We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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