people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
