Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
