i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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