just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
