Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
