Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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