FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
