Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
