some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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