Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
