the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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