What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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