If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
