She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
