I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We had sex on a dog bed..
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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