His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
