if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
