I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
why is half of my head shaved?
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