he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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