He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
