how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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