A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
