I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
