Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
