Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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