I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
