I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
