Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize