so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
