It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
