you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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