you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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