as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
MIDGETS
????
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize