Whod you bang
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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