I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i drank out of a bidet.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
