So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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