If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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