i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
