dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
