god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
