Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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