remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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