sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize