My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
