DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
