Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i think i have two assholes
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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