My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
