Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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