What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
