god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
