my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
