Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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