I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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