Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize