I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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