I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
