do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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