I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
