The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
