I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
