I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
