I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So much rum. So many feels.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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