i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Randomize
