Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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