Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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