best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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