saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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