I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
its liver damage thursday
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
